Kat

Had my followup with my new endocrinologist, and it was the worst case scenario but then he did the opposite of what my old one always did. He said my TSH level is in the "normal" range but it could be better ,so he increased my dose of levothyroxine??? Wow. He did give me a diet plan when I asked for one, and it was kind of the same old stuff, but his main issue is to stop skipping meals (which i am very guilty of), so I did some searching and found some protein bars made with chicken to eat when I'm busy and don't have time to sit down and eat an actual meal.

I'm just amazed he went ahead and upped my dose even though I'm technically "normal" because I have suspected for a long damn time that "low end of the normal range" is not "my" normal, if that makes sense. That was what I kept hearing from my old doctor, hell one time I was actually slightly in the hypo range and she still didn't change my dose. So I'm hopeful that I'm going to see some positive changes soonish (because it takes a few weeks to adjust to new doses of levothyroxine).

Apparently, I still have ten percent of a thyroid. This is interesting and possibly significant because I was never tested for Hashimoto's (an autoimmune disorder that attacks the thyroid--my cousin has it), only cancer. Considering my maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather both had autoimmune disorders, plus my cousin and one of my aunts, I wonder if my new endo suspects I may have had it, and it's still affecting me because of the residual thyroid tissue. That was one of the first things he asked about too, was if I was ever diagnosided with Hashimoto's.

Which, if I'm right and that's what he suspects is happening, then when I see him again to go over the lab results he'll probably want me to have more tests done. Assuming that wasn't part of my labwork this morning. Idk. This is kind of pointless speculation but I'm a worrywort, and wondering how much extra this is going to end up costing me. (It was over $300 for my labwork and ultrasound, after insurance. Smhd and missing my Obamacare so much.)

Success! So, as usual, I got close to the end of my Synthroid prescriptions and started to feel those good good anxiety feelings because I HATE seeing my endocrinologist, because she seems to think her job is to make me lose weight and not, you know, help keep my hormones level (Not to mention I didn't start putting weight on until the stupid thyroidectomy, there is a clear cause and effect, here). At my last appointment she told me she was going to refer me for gastric bypass and I was like...yeah, no...I've taken out enough internal organs and was told it would improve my health (and I mean, yeah i needed the thyroidectomy it was just, trading one set of problems for another :/) but I very much want to keep my small intestines in their current location and continueing to absorb the NUTIENTS IN MY FOOD??? I refuse to believe this is a bad thing.

Sooooo on my hunt for a new endo I found one who seemed promising, I just put off making an apppiontment because that's just what I do, and I was lowkey freaking out bc what if they aren't accepting new patients? What if their next available apppintment isn't until February, and I still have to go back to my old endo to at least get my prescription renewed so I, you know, don't feel miserable and then die?

Welp I finally made myself call this morning, and at first they said they wouldn't be taking new patients until next year, but then they asked me what I would be seeing the doctor for, and when I said hypothyroidism, she said they had an opening for 2 o'clock today??? And I was like, but i haven't done labs? :( and they said that I didn't need labs for my first appointment, it was just to talk about my health problems and establish a relationship with the doctor, and I tell you, I almost started crying on the phone, I'm almost crying now, because, will this doctor actually LISTEN TO ME? Will he be willing to try putting me on T4/T3 combo treatment, instead of just T4? Even when my TSH was normal, I still never felt like I did before all this started. I understand it's controversial, and I understand why it's controversial as well as a lay person can, but I want to try it. I'm willing to try anything to get out of this brainfog and fatigue.

It even occurs to me, that the last time I wrote anything was right after my surgery, and that was for the LHM fic fest three years ago. It just. Is so fucking frustrating having a doctor say, your lab results say you're fine, and still feel like shit. To have days where I can't focus on anything, even reading fic or scrolling Tumblr. It sucks.

Well. Maybe I'll try to get a nap in before my appointment, lol I still have work tonight. File this under both perks and drawbacks of having a night job.

Having a housemate who used to have money but no longer does is...occassionally...mind asplodey. For the most part he's fine, he's not, like, overtly snobbish, and he's always had jobs and knows how to do housework and cook and stuff--he does most of the cooking and more than his fair share of cleaning, but he just got hired as a store manager and figures they'll offer him at least $18 an hour, if not what the old manager made which was $22, did the math in his head and said that's only $40 grand a year, who can live on that? he used to make that in a month, and all I could do was look at him funny and tell him that yeah, if he's dead set on buying another Jaguar and a huge house filled with designer furniture, 40 grand ain't a lot, but I do well enough for myself on $22,000, driving a Kia and living in a modest apartment. Sooooo. It's...he's not a bad person, and generally he's a likeable guy, but he has no baseline for what it's like to be not rich, despite the fact that he's not anymore. And sometimes he forgets I've never had money, and I forget he's not always been poor, and I want to smack him, sometimes.

Like a few weeks ago, he asked me why I didn't have a Cuisinart or a Kitchenaide since I went to culinary school. Like??? The fuck does me having gone to culinary school have to do with what type of kitchen appliances I do or do not own? They cost like $400? How the fuck am I gonna justify spending that much on something nonessential?

*grumbling*$40k isn't a lot of money, buddy do you know what I could do with $40k a year? Kick out all you housemates for starters...

Yahoo mail: you haven't checked your inbox in a while!!

No...you haven't been sending me notifs wth. I know, I know, the problem is I still use Yahoo mail. I've had it for ten years and it's only for fandom/social media stuff. But I missed quite a few notifications, including a few new people adding me. Hi! I'm sorry I'm bad at maintaining my Dreamwidth blog. I'm trying to do better. I mean, I say that periodically and then...I don't. But anyway, don't be shy. I'll try to make more of an effort to be around more, we'll see how that goes.

does kat ever have good luck

the answer to that question is a solid "sometimes it is admittedly less bad than usual"

guess what

this is not one of those times.

R.I.P my car :( the frame just like...exploded while i was driving at fucking 75 mph on the interstate. I thought a tire blew out but when I pulled over to assess the damage, the whole rear driver's side was just busted. Pieces of the rear driver's side door are gone. You can see right inside to the rear axle.

Like. This car is only 11 years old. No accidents. What could even cause the frame to just go kablewy like that?

Oh yeah and yesterday I decided to move back in with my parents because I (already) have too many fucking bills, and I have had no luck finding a roommate. And this morning I tried to donate plasma, which I do on the reg because hey, tax free income, but my veins, which were already doing not great, were like nope, not having it. In either arm. And now the fucking car blows up. No money, no car, and two new bills showed up this week and one of them was not a prospective car payment.

I don't even know anymore. I really fucking don't.

I always say to myself every few months, I am going to start posting more. I am going to fucking log onto my Goodreads and Librarything and Dreamwidth and start interacting with some goddamn human beings. lol

SO! In no particular order:

*Kitten! I'm at work right now so I can't post any pics, but he is all black, with yellow-green eyes (green around pupil, with a circle of yellow surrounding the green). His name officially is Sammy but I pretty much always call him Little Man. He was abandoned in the park when he was itty bitty, like had only just learned to walk little. So even though I told myself I wasn't getting another cat, yeah, right, this is me. Idk how or why I always end up with 3 cats when I swear this time I'm sticking with just 2 but hey.

*Work! This May I finally got hired by the place I've been trying to get a job at for 3 1/2 damn years, but, not the position I wanted (overnight baker). For some reason the bakers are interviewed and hired by Big Corporate Bossdude. Like, the bakery is literally a whole separate operation from the rest of the cafe. Well I made damn sure that every manager in this place knew I wanted to be a baker, if there was ever an opening. Well guess what??? This is my...fifth night? Wow, yeah, it's been five days. And I LOVE IT. My trainer is awesome, the work is awesome, THE PAY IS AWESOME. More than what minimum wage is supposed to be awesome. An actual fucking living wage, what a novelty.

*My car started acting up the day I started baking, lolol this is just my luck. The word "alternator" was floated around, and I'm just like. fuck. I literally cannot catch a break ever. But, it was just some fan cooler thing and spark plugs that needed replacing. Aside from the fact that I would rather not have to pay another fucking bill, I am very attached to my car. I love my car. She's a Saturn Ion and she's eleven years old, she's missing a hubcap and the other 3 are scuffed up, has a dent in the front fender (not put there by me tyvm), a cracked windshield, and needs a new paint job, but idgaf. I love this car. I will cry the day this car dies for real. And fucking GM killed the brand, the stupid fuckwits, so I don't even know what car I will hypothetically buy next.

Uh, guess that's it for now?

So here it is, almost a year later that I'm finally posting about this. I'm doing this for others who find out they have thyroid problems similar to mine, or for people who have found out they need to have surgery for the first time, and take to google to find out more about it. Because that's what I did, and a lot of what I found...was not reassuring. People tend to only post their horror stories, and okay, my situation was not one hundred percent smooth sailing. But like a lot of things, the anticipation is worse than the actual thing we're scared of. Keep in mind this is my personal experience, everyone's body is different, etcetera etcetera.

( text )

Welp I'm almost a year into having no thyroid, and one thing everyone forgot to mention about being a thyroid patient is you can't take the good cold medicine. :(

Of course it didn't occur to me to check this info until I had already bought some Sudafed. But, the upshot of this is that as I was googling "sudafed thyroid medicine interactions" I found this blog which color me intrigued. It's been, um, an embarrassingly long time since I've read something that was not fanfiction, woops.

Yesterday at Job B I managed to cut myself three times in a thirty minute period. Courtesy of my bosses who had our knives professionally sharpened. I'm pretty sure these knives weren't this sharp when they were new.

I am definitely quitting Job A in March. Aflac open enrollment starts then and I want to make some changes to my policies. Once they take effect I'm giving my two weeks'.

It kind of makes me sad to think about leaving this place, just because I've been here so long and I got this job at a time when I really desperately needed one, but my loyalty has been stretched thin by all the bullshit the KM and food and beverage director* have put me through, not to mention the demoralizingly low pay--nine freaking dollars an hour. After three years of never being late, never calling out, going above and beyond what my job requires of me including staying at work off the clock to clean and organize the kitchen. Three years and I am currently the one who has worked here the longest. Everyone else has been here less than a year. I want to hit all the managers on the head with the clue bat and yell maybe it's YOU. Several people have said they will quit when I do, lol. Being appreciated by everyone but my supers: lol.

Compare that to Job B where one day the KM told me he was glad I was a competant human being. They also trust me to know what the fuck I'm doing and let me do it. So, okay Job B is slightly less...glamorous. It's a wing joint. But the pay is better and I have opportunities for advancement. It'll have to do until I finally get The Job.


*So, the F&B Director is one of those assholes who think he's god's gift to [whatever]. He likes to show off his ~superior knowledge~ and also to try and trap people. Ex., he added cheesecake to the menu last spring. He was showing me the recipe, and asked me if I knew how to use a spring form pan. I said I did. He asked me which side of the bottom piece is supposed to face up (thinking I was bullshitting him? Idk). I showed him. And then I watched him struggle to put the pan together. And then ninety minutes later when we checked it, it was still raw because he forgot to turn the oven on. This motherfucker.