Kat (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
pennie_dreadful) wrote2016-09-05 06:52 pm
pennie_dreadful) wrote2016-09-05 06:52 pm
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So one of the things I was worried about when I started The Job was that maybe it would actually be horrible, maybe I've spent so motherfucking long trying to get it and idealizing it that it can't possibly have been worth all this effort.
Well.
Is it the greatest job I've ever had? No. (That was the job at the beach resort, which I was laid off from in 2008. Fucking republicans and their fail economic policies.) But I give it a solid Second Best.
The greatest part though, is the limited amount of human interaction I have to deal with. Come in, do the work, get the fuck out.
But fuck my brain, because I experience low grade anxiety almost every time I go to work, and it's bullshit because I have literally nothing work related to be anxious about. My trainer told me from day one that some of the pastries I made looked better than his. But the feeling of inadequacy remains. I guess just the fact that there is so much new information to absorb, even if none of it is really difficult, kind of overwhelmed me a little. I've done baking before but it was nothing close to volume of work at this place. And I guess coming from my other job, where I was kind of...a bnf? Not amongst the managers of course, but by the time I finally quit I was the oldest employee; almost everyone else had been there less than a year, so if there was something somebody didn't know, "idk ask Kat" was kind of the default response. Which, being anxious about my job now is so much more dumb now that I think about it, because I had waaaaaay more stuff to learn at my last job just to do prep, and I was actually crosstrained to work on the line, too, so wth. And my trainer has told me repeatedly that I'm doing very well. So idk I think I just wish I could fast forward to "expert" but that's not how it works, brain.
Stupid fucking brain.
Well.
Is it the greatest job I've ever had? No. (That was the job at the beach resort, which I was laid off from in 2008. Fucking republicans and their fail economic policies.) But I give it a solid Second Best.
The greatest part though, is the limited amount of human interaction I have to deal with. Come in, do the work, get the fuck out.
But fuck my brain, because I experience low grade anxiety almost every time I go to work, and it's bullshit because I have literally nothing work related to be anxious about. My trainer told me from day one that some of the pastries I made looked better than his. But the feeling of inadequacy remains. I guess just the fact that there is so much new information to absorb, even if none of it is really difficult, kind of overwhelmed me a little. I've done baking before but it was nothing close to volume of work at this place. And I guess coming from my other job, where I was kind of...a bnf? Not amongst the managers of course, but by the time I finally quit I was the oldest employee; almost everyone else had been there less than a year, so if there was something somebody didn't know, "idk ask Kat" was kind of the default response. Which, being anxious about my job now is so much more dumb now that I think about it, because I had waaaaaay more stuff to learn at my last job just to do prep, and I was actually crosstrained to work on the line, too, so wth. And my trainer has told me repeatedly that I'm doing very well. So idk I think I just wish I could fast forward to "expert" but that's not how it works, brain.
Stupid fucking brain.