Kat

One of the side benefits of being hypothyroid: I get super sleepy (and actually go to sleep and stay asleep) stupidly early (I'm talking 8:30 pm here) which is ridulous since I was operating on a full night's sleep and did nothing more strenous than write ~2600 words, BUT, unless I did something to really wear myself out, I wake up super stupid early, too.

Goodbye insomnia?! Haha maybe I'll be able to write some more before going to work?! Thank you 21_days for jumpstarting my muse ;___;

Toby passed away Tuesday, June 30. He was a good companion, and he didn't deserve to suffer the way he did. He started deteriorating right before my surgery, and it was only until this week I felt strong enough to deal with letting him go. My sister drove me to the vet, and they euthanized him. We buried him in my dad's garden, not far from where he was born, actually. I'm really going to miss him, especially since he was the most vocal of all my cats. It's already so much quieter.

The stupidest thing of getting used to him being gone is the way he would always follow me into the bathroom. I had to call him and make sure he knew I was going in there, otherwise he would scratch the door. He would jump on top of the litter box and expect me to scratch under his chin, every. single. time. Weirdo. He was also the only cat who had no problem waking me up when it was time for breakfast. Oz and Mica wait for me to get up, but Toby scratched on my door frame and meowed at me until I got up.

I had this cat for nine, almost ten years. I knew it would be hard, but damn do I want to start crying when I go in the kitchen and see two food bowls instead of three.

Long time, no post. Shit has happened (a lot of shit has happened), so in no particular order of importance:

-I am an aunt again, and oh my god baby is adorbs. he has red hair! The first and only redhead in the family. It sucks that my sis and bil live about four hours out of town, but they hope to be able to move back here this summer

-found a place to move into, comes with a washer/dryer hookup, and I SCORED A FREE WASHER AND DRYER. Seriously almost all of my appliances and furniture I've gotten for free or super cheap, this is one area of my life I am consistently lucky, yay small mercies.

-okay so when I bought health insurance I picked the best plan I could afford because I knew I was going to actually be using it preventatively as opposed to if I was ever in an accident or something. I had a couple of (I thought) minor health issues that I thought I should probably get checked out before they became major health issues. Found out I have been living with a torn ACL for almost two years, so I have to wear a knee brace and do physical therapy and I also had to get shot. In my knee. I'm not normally weird about getting shots but when sharp pointy things are meant to go in places that my brain says they should not be able to penetrate it kind of is freaky. Eugh that was not fun.

There was also the issue of me getting really, really out of breath when I exercised, which at first was like, duh I'm out of shape, but then I got to the point where my muscles felt stronger, I felt like I could have kept going, but I still had to keep taking breaks because I was wheezing and completely unable to breathe and it was really frustrating. My gut was saying something is physically wrong (asthma maybe), so eventually I stopped strength training and just stuck with walking.

Also, I have nodules on my thyroid gland, which caused it to swell up massively, which I really only noticed after I started losing weight (ONE HUNDRED POUNDS SINCE AUGUST!!!). So who knows how long it's been that way. My thyroid function is totally normal, though, so my primary care doctor (who is super awesome, I love her and also her NP) refered me to an ENT, and that's when I found it's totally bigger on the inside and is starting to choke me from the inside out, hence my exercise-breathing issues. So I have to have my thyroid gland removed next Tuesday. My ENT said that if it got much bigger they might not be able to intibate me, and they definitely can't do a tracheotomy, so the timing on this, is wow. Nick of time almost.

So yeah I've been MRIed, CTed, X rayed, ultrasounded, and exsanguinated, and it all comes out to around $10,000. Just to diagnose all of this shit, not to actually treat it. And it would likely have remained undiagnosed and untreated until I totally blew my knee out and couldn't walk at all, and/or ended up in the ER unable to breath on my own, because I am unable to afford the full $235 a month that my health insurance costs.

I really kind of did not take this news well. I saw some promising info on shrinking goiters with kelp powder and iodine supplements, but seeing the CT of my trachea getting smaller, and smaller, and smaller, was really super freaky so I was like YES GET THIS THING OUT OF ME but also he has to totally slice my neck open. This will not be a fun experience, at all, but. I gotta do it. I had a couple of panic attacks over it, not even necessarily over the surgery itself, but just other things I could usually deal with totally overwhelmed me and I just ugh. But I'm good now (I think, hell I still have a week to get worked up again) but I will be good. Gonna use my vacation time at work, and file a claim with Aflac, (next on the to-do list, I fucking hate to-do lists) so money will not be a problem. Kinda looking forward to all that time off from work, tbh, even though it's not exactly for a fun reason.

'kay, bye.

Pretty sure I didn't get the job again. I've put off calling b/c I kept hoping that maybe it was taking so long to hear back because of the holidays. But. Yeah. Self delusion and hope can only go so far before you just have to woman up and admit you just got screwed again. I was so fucking sure this time, thanks for getting my hopes up of ever attaining something resembling financial stability while still working in a field I love, only to crush them once again.

I really think I'm starting to hate this place.

I just want to know what jackass thought up food-scented candles.

I remember a couple years ago I walked in my parents' house and it smelled like LOVE and DELICIOUSNESS. I thought I was about to get a treat, but noooo, mom was burning a sugar cookie scented candle. :[

And then my mom bought me a scented candle for my birthday. A pumpkin pie, harvest spice, and maple sugar scented candle. Gee it's not like I'm trying to quit eating sugar or anything. (I didn't even eat cake on my birthday, I can't believe it either. And they made one, too.)

I'm probably going to make this instead of the gluten/dairy free pumpkin pie for the Thanksgiving Shindig. It looks cheaper to make, why must grain free baking flours be so fucking expensive. Plus there will be approximately 15,000 pies there anyway (did I ever mention how fucking gigantic my family is?) I found a recipe for green bean casserole that contains ingredients I can eat, and pureed cauliflower is a fucking delicious substitute for mashed potatoes, with clarified butter and roasted garlic. So that's the holidays sorted. I have sort of been worrying about that, because I am really commited to No Grains and Real Food but do you realize how much stuff is made with grains and processed mystery ingredients? LIKE EVERYTHING. And then there was belated realizing that I can't have cornbread dressing. That was always my most favorite, I could seriously just eat a huge plate of dressing and call it Thanksgiving. Did you know that 90% of corn is GMO? It is on my do not eat ever list. Rice is negotiable. Why isn't rice more delicious?

Kay so that place never called me about an interview. When I first applied the owner was like 'I will call you after Labor Day' and the Wednesday after I hadn't heard back, so I walked down there after work and spoke to the owner again and gave him a copy of my resume. He said he would call me the next week. HE THEN CALLED GSA FOR A REFERENCE EVEN THOUGH I CHECKED "DO NOT CALL THIS EMPLOYER" ON MY APP. I know this because GSA asked me where I had applied to and what my plans were. DUDE WHAT THE FUCK. And the kitchen manager just straight up asked me when my last day was. GSA did say he gave a favorable reference, but still, what the fuck. I had to lie (although it ended up being truth after I met the guy replacing GSA) and say I was only looking for a second job and wasn't planning on quitting. NuBoss is awesomely competent, I had forgotten what it was like to work for someone I actually respected. If I get a significant raise sometime soon, I wouldn't consider leaving unless I was offered a really super awesome job.

So, I put in two apps today, one at some new chain that just opened up, and the other at the job I have been trying to get for a whole damn year now. IF I ACTUALLY GET THAT JOB NOW THAT I HAVE GONE GRAIN FREE I WILL LOL FOREVER AT THE IRONY.

Okay so there's this new restaurant opening up. Upscale, right on the riverfront. Looks super nice. I drive past it every morning on my way to work. I have really wanted to apply, but feeling no self worth, massively intimidated, etc. Today I finally womaned up and called the number. Guy answers, says oh hey we're in the office two doors down from the restaurant. Come on in and fill out an application .

So, okay, anxiety is out in force but come on, it's time to make shit happen. I went in and applied, the owner looked my app over and conducted a small pre-interview. He said that he thinks I am a very strong candidate and that they will definitely get in touch with me to conduct a more extensive interview! MOTHERFUCKIN' EXCITE. And the starting pay ain't half bad, better than where I work now, that's for sure. There is some concern about this being a startup, but I am reasonably sure it will be successful, what with all the new development happening. I really really want this to work out and if it does for it not to be another dead end, soul crushing job.

I feel like shit right now because I still owe thene a fic. Somehow or another the file was lost, idek. Sometimes I work on fics at the library, so my best guess is I fucked around and clicked save as instead of save. All I know is it is not on my flash drive or laptop, and all efforts to recreate it have failed miserably. I'm trying to come up with something new and better but it's not coming easy this time. Also there has been cat medical drama, idek how many hundreds of dollars I've dropped on them so far. Around 11:30 on thene's birthday my roommate said she thought Oz was bleeding. I picked him up and he was bleeding pretty bad from his hind foot, and I immediately had to control the inevitable freakout because oh my god, did he step on a nail or a piece of broken glass, wtf is going on here. So off to the after hours emergency vet clinic we went. While we were waiting to be seen his other foot started bleeding, and I am just sobbing on the inside because that cat is the closest thing to an actual child I will ever have. I love him like a lot. I love all of them, but I've had Oz the longest and he is totally my favorite, not even gonna lie.

It turns out Oz had not one but two burst abscesses on his feet. Which it is a total mystery how he got them because he is strictly an indoor cat, and there have never been any aggression issues with him and the other cats. The two theories the emergency vet presented me with are a.) he could have broken the skin during grooming and they got infected, or b.) spider bite, which we do have those freaking huge creepy brown house spiders that look a lot like brown recluses, but then what are the odds that either the exact same spider would bite both of his hind feet, or two different spiders would bite him at exactly the same time? I could accept this theory if it were his front feet that were infected, but no. His regular vet suggested feline diabetes or a thyroid problem, but his bloodwork all came back totally normal.

So no sooner have Oz's feet healed than I find out Oz and Toby both maybe have cancer. Toby is having surgery first because his tumor is bigger; I have to postpone Oz's surgery for the middle of next month because this has all totally cleaned out the piggy pank. If it is cancer then hopefully the vet will be able to cut the tumors out before they spread. Hopefully it's not cancer but there's only a twenty five percent chance of that.

I just want my kitty babies to be okay. :(

Time was setbacks like these would have sent me spiraling down and I would have fucking well quit even trying.

Anyway somebody else messaged me about moving in, although my quest for The Job continues; I got a special ~Job Alert~ from Snagajob about them, instead of being lumped in with Today's Job Recommendations. I've applied five or six times now. Whatever I did wrong at the interview, give me a chance to get it right, please oh god. A living wage, that's all I ask; a decent, competent human being for a boss would just be a bonus at this point.